So I had two different experiences this weekend involving a parent and child relationship. I was saddened by one and frustrated by the other.
The first was at a cute little café my husband and I decided to go to on a rainy day. I wanted to drop Nonah off at my sister in laws but her son was sick so we decided to give it a try and just take her with. Well as soon as we sat down there was a little girl about 4 years old who came running from the back room. She ran up to Nonah and was giggling and touched her face and her hand and sort of hugged her and then went running back. Okay fine that was cute what a friendly girl right? Well she did it again and again and the dad who was on his cell phone proceeded to follow her and stand right by our table just watching his daughter touch and hug Nonah. He eventually grabbed a seat right next to us and started talking to us while Nonah and this girl banged on the window and followed each other around. Sounds fine right? Well if any of you know my husband you know that he’s not the sit-down-and-chat- with-a-stanger kind of guy. We were on a date ya know. We wanted to chat and bond and maybe hold hands and have an enjoyable family time but we couldn’t even talk without this guy hearing everything. And the little girl would not talk to me or say a word she just giggled. At one point Nonah tried to get away from her because she was just too much. Then she started banging on the window so of course Nonah did too which in a quiet little café was really loud.
So…we left feeling very annoyed and bummed. It just seemed like the dad had no say in the relationship. I’m all about gentle parenting I really am. I think communicating and explaining is important and a little give and take instead of all take is okay. But you don’t let your child do whatever they want, especially in a public place. I might not have minded as much if Peter wasn’t with me but I knew it was bothering him so it bothered me too.
Then I was at a children’s clothing sale where a mom was looking for her son. He was hiding in the clothing rack right in front of me and someone else pointed him out to her. Once he came out she proceeded to very loudly yell at him and tell him that that was not good and you don’t do that and you don’t get a toy and they were looking down stairs for him etc. He was crying and she said yes you should cry that was very bad.
So…I understand she was probably scared herself not knowing where her son was but how she handled it was obnoxious and made me sad. She made him feel horrible instead of explaining how she felt and why its not good to do that and humiliated him in front of everyone. I don’t know how I will handle it if I ever misplace my child but putting them down is not the best way.
I have been thinking a lot about discipline these days since I am at the beginning stages of it with Nonah and I am more and more feeling led to not spank. Peter and I are discussing it, thinking about it, and praying about it. It has been engrained in us that it is biblical and necessary to raise well behaved Godly children. So thinking of other ways is new for us but now that we have a child we have become very sensitive to her and her feelings, her needs, and her personality. It is so amazing to see not only how sensitive I am to Nonah and her cries but to see Peter be so sensitive to her sometimes even more than I am. It is so sweet. I just can not even imagine spanking her bare butt. It would break my heart and that there makes me wonder why I would do then. Now Im sure she is going to do some bad things in her life and need to be corrected and punished but we will have to come up with other ways to accomplish that. I still don’t know though. I have to be on the same page with Peter and we just don’t know what page that is yet. This is yet another stage to accept, process, and get through in parenting. I am learning so much.
This article has really opened my eyes and challenged what I once believed. Check it out. http://gentlechristianmothers.com/articles/elizabethp/p1.php
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