LiFe

Man its been a long time. I have not been writing much these days.
Noni has not been going down too easily at night and then once she is I’m too sleepy to write and just want to veg. Also there is a lot going on spiritually and physically right now. Peter and I are at a weird place right now. We feel so ready for a change but also okay with staying where we are at. It has a lot to do with finances but some to do with the dreams we have. Dreams for our lives that we want to be fulfilled now but may not be able to happen for many many years. So we are kind of at a stand still right now. We are waiting patiently for God to show us what the next move is. We truly are okay with both possibilities. Now maybe He has a whole other idea we are aware of but that’s okay we are flexible.

Mission work is something that is still in the back of my mind. I would love to minister to kids. Or women. But I also have these other ideas of becoming a childbirth educator or getting into photography. There are so many possibilities in this crunchy, homebirth, natural-living, community that I have found. And because I have found them and these ideas keep popping into my head not going away and the fact that I finally found something that interests me makes me feel like its possibly part of Gods plan for me. I am praying about it and again waiting for God to give me the go ahead.

We are also looking for a church. I am so ready to find a place to just settle in. Get cozy and comfy, soak and receive. I feel like we are going to be doing ministry at some point in our life (hopefully soon) so we might as well get filled up as much as possible now. I want to learn more about God and receive more and find a place where people are truly excited for God! We will be checking one out this Sunday that seems exactly what we are looking for but I don’t want to get my hopes up too soon. We’ll see.

Birth Stories Gathering

So my midwife is amazing. (Risingmoonmidwifery.com- check it out) She is not only a fantastic midwife she is a friend. She hosts Moms meetings at her house once a month and every now and then she hosts a Birth Stories Gathering. Where mamas (usually her clients and ususally a home birth but not neccessarily) come and share their stories with like minded mamas. It is so amazing to gather with other women and talk about something so important, amazing, life changing and beautiful.
Women can be very harsh and cliquey at times but in this particular setting you feel so loved and accepted. So understood. So safe to be you. So validated. It really is was an amaziing time today. I did share today even though it was being recorded and I was so glad I did. But I feel like I missed and left out so much. I am a horrible story teller so I knew I would leave some things out so I wanted to process and share them here. They might be random and scattered and Im sorry for that but my birth story is on the right under "my Noni girl" so that will catch you up.

I heard of Kate my midwife through a friend and felt pretty strongly about not birthing at a hospital simply because of the stories I had recently heard. I didn't want to be looked at a women with a medical condition but as a women having a baby. I wanted to be seen, heard, understood, encouraged, and involved in all decisions. I didn't want to be just another patient. I wanted one on one time with the person who was going to deliver my baby. I really loved the idea of one person going through each and every step of this process with me. Not who ever was on the clock at the time. One women referred to her hospital birth experience as a one night stand because you dont even know your doctor since there are so many different ones. I love that. I mean it is sad but its the reality.

One thing I absolutly loved about my midwife was how layed back she was at my appointments and when in labor. She really really gave you free reign to be yourself, do what you want, listen to your own body, heart and baby. Our bodies know what they are doing and Kate really encourages and allows you to listen to them. In the moment it was difficult because I wanted to be told what to do since this was my first time but looking back I am so thankful for that freedom.

I have noticed a pattern in lots of peoples birth story and that is it did not go how they planned it. It was not this amazing, mellow, spiritual birth that they hoped for. I would say mine did not go as planned either. I didn't have a whole lot planned because Kate warned me that the chances of it happening exactly how I wanted were pretty slim. It's impossible to plan the little things like what position or what time of day it will happen. Especially your first birth you just can't know how you are going to deal with it. That is one thing I am disappointed in is how negative I was. I was miserable (well duh you say) but I didn't want to be miserable. I wanted to embrace it and endure it with peace and power. That being said I am proud of myself and that I did it. I guess after 3 days of labor I have a right to be miserable but I just didn't handle it like I expected.

I was surprised at my lack of emotion when I initially pushed her out. It was probabl for all that I described in the paragraph above. I did not cry I was just sooooo relieved. I was so happy she was out and amazed by the whole thing. It was awesome but just felt so good to have her out. To hold her for the first time was the coolest thing ever and I wish I could flash back to that moment and soak it up again because it was just indescribable.

I was also surprised at how I felt about my husband. We knew all along that we wanted it to be just us and we didn't want a doula. We wanted to experience it on our own especially since it was our first time. But now looking back my husband didn't really do much to help. He did make my meals the 2 days I was in early labor. But he slept a lot when I couldn't so that made me mad. I had to get my own yogurt. Then when I was in active labor his hands were way to rough. Jill the assistant knew exacyly where to message and spoke so softly and was just so comforting. To his credit he did wet a wash clothe and pat me down and that felt great. I was so glad he was there and was able to catch her though. He actually teared up when she came out.

It is so amazing what having a natural birth does to a women. I never really understood what they meant by it when women reffered to it as an empowering experience but now I do. I think it has to do with all the hormones that are involved in birth but you just get this high initially and then happy and then pride. Like I did it. I yes I I I did it. I felt every minute of it and I pushed my 10 pound baby out. I feel like I can do anything now. I feel like I have walked into my identity. Like for some reason I have a brand new confidence in myself and who I am. It is so cool.

And lastly I just love that I have been able to experience such an amazing birth and that God directed my path so I could find Kate because she truly is a Godsend. I love the homebirth community that I am a part of and how real we can be. Theres not many moments where I feel so safe and accepted!!! Amazing!

Having an open mind

This is something I have been thinking about lately and want to just process it here. I feel like this could be a touchy subject but I’m going to try to express my point.

As Christians we can tend to be seen as judgmental and hypocritical. There are many things in this world that because of what the bible has revealed to us who believe it to be the truth of God is unacceptable for us to partake in. That being said there is one important thing the bible tells us to do that a lot (not all) of Christians forget to do. They don’t realize how important it is and that is to Love. It’s in the commandments to love your neighbor as yourself and its in the New Testament that no matter what you do in this world without love you are nothing. Love is described so beautifully in 1 Corinthians 13. It is all throughout the bible and it is so much more than what the world thinks of love.

That brings me to having an open mind. Having an open mind is not accepting everything as good and right but understanding that we are all at different places in life and have come from different back grounds. Having an open mind is knowing that we all have to make our own decisions and releasing people to do that even if you disagree with it. Having an open mind is to know that looks do not matter but it’s the heart that does. Having an open mind is seeing people the way God sees them. Having an open mind is going against what our instinct says to do which is judge. Having an open mind is to love. I could go on but you get the picture. I think to have an open mind you need to be in tune with God because it is our human nature to judge, criticize, and not look at the bigger picture. Only Jesus who is the perfect picture of love can teach us how to have an open mind and love like He did.

I want to love better. I want to love the unlovely. I want to see a person the way God sees them not through our worldly stereotypes. I want to be able to show Jesus’ love and kindness to everyone I come in contact with. I want to have an open mind!!!

*Creativity*

Creativity~ Such a beautiful word. And a beautiful gift. I am so thankful that I am creative. You know when you are creative when you can look at a simple scrap of fabric and picture how it could be used to decorate a tank top. Or a skirt that is too small could be cut and turned into 2 different purses. Or maybe you can picture how a room could be rearrange to make more space. Etc. Etc. If you can turn something into something else you are creative. I am creative but in my own unique way. I'm not the best sewer so things have to be simple, but these days simple is in. Simple is good.

So I am trying to talk myself in to maybe possibly starting an Etsy shop. I don't know though. Im not really into doing mass quantities of things but I have made some Moby wraps which I think I could sell and then just random things that come to mind. I like the idea of upcycleing and kind of revamping something into something else. Just something Im thinking about and praying about. Any advice??

My dreadies

Its been 2 months since I got these bad boys done and let me tell you it has been interesting. I totally love them most of the time but every now and then I want to just chop them off. Not all of them just certain ones. Ones that aren’t cooperating and aren’t felting up properly. You see the back of my head is really curly and has taken to the dreads really well. But the sides of my head the hair is smoother and just wavey so those dreads are not doing so well. They are frizzy and stick out and I hate them. I also don’t like the proportion of some of them. That is why I never wear them down any more when I go out. I always put a scarf in and put it back. I’m trying to be patient and trust that time will do them good and they will only get better. So there will be no chopping yet.

It is interesting not being able to “fix” my hair like most people do where you can put it exactly how you want it. With dreads they have a mind of their own and every morning you never know what you will find. There will be new loops and bumps all the time and there is nothing you can do about it. So that has been challenging and freeing. I just have to let go of my vanity that day and deal with it.

I am dealing with some dandruff issues as well which Im not going to get into because you probably are grossed out already but with or without dreads I have dandruff. It’s just a little harder to deal with when you have dreads. But I use my oils and Im surviving.

All that being said my dreadies are doing well and I really do love them.