So my midwife is amazing. (Risingmoonmidwifery.com- check it out) She is not only a fantastic midwife she is a friend. She hosts Moms meetings at her house once a month and every now and then she hosts a Birth Stories Gathering. Where mamas (usually her clients and ususally a home birth but not neccessarily) come and share their stories with like minded mamas. It is so amazing to gather with other women and talk about something so important, amazing, life changing and beautiful.
Women can be very harsh and cliquey at times but in this particular setting you feel so loved and accepted. So understood. So safe to be you. So validated. It really is was an amaziing time today. I did share today even though it was being recorded and I was so glad I did. But I feel like I missed and left out so much. I am a horrible story teller so I knew I would leave some things out so I wanted to process and share them here. They might be random and scattered and Im sorry for that but my birth story is on the right under "my Noni girl" so that will catch you up.
I heard of Kate my midwife through a friend and felt pretty strongly about not birthing at a hospital simply because of the stories I had recently heard. I didn't want to be looked at a women with a medical condition but as a women having a baby. I wanted to be seen, heard, understood, encouraged, and involved in all decisions. I didn't want to be just another patient. I wanted one on one time with the person who was going to deliver my baby. I really loved the idea of one person going through each and every step of this process with me. Not who ever was on the clock at the time. One women referred to her hospital birth experience as a one night stand because you dont even know your doctor since there are so many different ones. I love that. I mean it is sad but its the reality.
One thing I absolutly loved about my midwife was how layed back she was at my appointments and when in labor. She really really gave you free reign to be yourself, do what you want, listen to your own body, heart and baby. Our bodies know what they are doing and Kate really encourages and allows you to listen to them. In the moment it was difficult because I wanted to be told what to do since this was my first time but looking back I am so thankful for that freedom.
I have noticed a pattern in lots of peoples birth story and that is it did not go how they planned it. It was not this amazing, mellow, spiritual birth that they hoped for. I would say mine did not go as planned either. I didn't have a whole lot planned because Kate warned me that the chances of it happening exactly how I wanted were pretty slim. It's impossible to plan the little things like what position or what time of day it will happen. Especially your first birth you just can't know how you are going to deal with it. That is one thing I am disappointed in is how negative I was. I was miserable (well duh you say) but I didn't want to be miserable. I wanted to embrace it and endure it with peace and power. That being said I am proud of myself and that I did it. I guess after 3 days of labor I have a right to be miserable but I just didn't handle it like I expected.
I was surprised at my lack of emotion when I initially pushed her out. It was probabl for all that I described in the paragraph above. I did not cry I was just sooooo relieved. I was so happy she was out and amazed by the whole thing. It was awesome but just felt so good to have her out. To hold her for the first time was the coolest thing ever and I wish I could flash back to that moment and soak it up again because it was just indescribable.
I was also surprised at how I felt about my husband. We knew all along that we wanted it to be just us and we didn't want a doula. We wanted to experience it on our own especially since it was our first time. But now looking back my husband didn't really do much to help. He did make my meals the 2 days I was in early labor. But he slept a lot when I couldn't so that made me mad. I had to get my own yogurt. Then when I was in active labor his hands were way to rough. Jill the assistant knew exacyly where to message and spoke so softly and was just so comforting. To his credit he did wet a wash clothe and pat me down and that felt great. I was so glad he was there and was able to catch her though. He actually teared up when she came out.
It is so amazing what having a natural birth does to a women. I never really understood what they meant by it when women reffered to it as an empowering experience but now I do. I think it has to do with all the hormones that are involved in birth but you just get this high initially and then happy and then pride. Like I did it. I yes I I I did it. I felt every minute of it and I pushed my 10 pound baby out. I feel like I can do anything now. I feel like I have walked into my identity. Like for some reason I have a brand new confidence in myself and who I am. It is so cool.
And lastly I just love that I have been able to experience such an amazing birth and that God directed my path so I could find Kate because she truly is a Godsend. I love the homebirth community that I am a part of and how real we can be. Theres not many moments where I feel so safe and accepted!!! Amazing!
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