So I have been a mama now for almost 13 months and feeling pretty confident in my role. It is amazing how much I have grown in this past year. Some of the beginning stuff is such a blur but other stuff really stands out. I know we had our struggles and adjusting to do but there was never a time that I didn’t want to be a mama. I love it. It is such a blessing.
I have quite a few friends who are new mamas and it is fun to talk to each of them and hear how things are going for them. Some are adjusting better than others. Some are doing things very similar to me and some not so similar. After my visit with one of my friends my heart was saddened for her. Actually more for the baby. I don’t want to say that she is doing anything "wrong" but in my eyes she is. Every mama has to do what works for them I know but they need take in consideration what "works" for the baby too. That’s what I feel like a lot of new mamas don’t remember to do. Or don’t think to do because its not what their (freakin) pediatrician is telling them to do.
The whole controversy about sleep and to let them cry it out or not gets me so sad. Sometimes mad but mostly sad. Why? Because parents are torn between listening to their own instincts to comfort their baby and advice that is both heartless and unfair to the baby given by the “experts”. That’s a whole other topic. I say unfair because the baby has NO idea what bed time is or nap time. Or that mom needs a break or to get some cleaning done etc. The baby is not used to being alone let alone sleeping alone. And the only way that baby knows how to communicate is by crying and then mommy and daddy don’t listen? All because they want baby to sleep when its convenient for the. Its not fair. Then in talking to some of my friends I wonder if they even have that instinct inside them triggering that its not right and they just ignore it or stifle it so much til its gone. I don’t know which but either way is sad.
My midwife gave me a good example: if your friend would come to you crying and upset about something you wouldn’t just put them in a room by themselves to deal with it on their own. You would talk to them, comfort them, and help them feel better. Right? Well that’s what we should do for our babies. Comfort them when they cry. A 1 month old wants the loving, warm and safe touch of their mama day and night and I don’t think that is too much to ask.
All that being said, I know mamas who are with their babies 24/7 day and night (like me and Noni are) can really go insane and become worn out, touched out, loved out, exhausted etc, etc. Soo I do feel like mamas need and deserve a break from time to time. They need to find a way to refresh their mind and bodies. I often give Nonah to Peter and just go for a walk or lock myself in a room by myself for an hour in order to re-coop, pray, relax, shower, paint my nails, read or scream. Whatever I need in that moment in order to get some space from my girl. Then I come back to her as good as new. I get my break and she isn’t forced to do something that she has no idea how to do. Her mental, physical, and emotional well being are so important at this little stage and I feel strongly about nurturing her in every possible way and taking into consideration how she feels. She will sleep in her own bed and go to sleep on her own when she is good and ready and when I am ready actually. I love having her right there with us at night. I know she is safe and warm. I can touch her and hold her whenever I want and I know she feels safe because I am right there. There is a lot of sacrifice that goes into parenting but it is such a short time it is so worth it. (i have to remind myself this often) For now I am going to enjoy our cuddles as long as I can.
Okay I feel like Im rambling but there is just so much to say about this topic and so much advice I would want to give to my friends but probably won't because of how it would be recieved. So instead I write here and vent and share and hope that maybe it encourages a mama reader who is questioning or doubting her decisions. Peace!
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