Big HUGE gigantic sigh!......I am bummed. I created this blog inorder to feel free to blog about all my trials and tribulations, ups and downs, and questions and concerns of motherhood and I just don't write. I don't have the time or once I do have time I am too tired to write. Most of the things I want to write about I feel are so silly and I think who would want to read about that. I am not a whiner but I feel like thats all I do on my blog is whine or complain about something. I feel like many bloggers are so positive and happy all the time and can find joy in anything. That is something I am working on but its not my reality. I am up and down and struggle to stay at a steady level emotionally and spiritually. All that being said. I do like having this space to just share my thoughts and get them out there. I have no idea how many people read this blog but it doesn't matter.
So. My state right now is...all over the place. I am loving the holidays and all that it intails, I am enjoying staying home and finding creative projects to do to keep me busy. We have cable now and I am enjoying being able to watch TV for pretty much the first time in my life. (growing up we had 3, 6 and 10 and thats it because we lived in the boonies) I am so in love with my Noni girl it hurts. BUT at the same time she is driving me CRAZY. Uhg...shes so clingy, nursing all the time, not eating anything good for her, increasing her whining inorder to tell me what she wants because its all she knows and she knows it works, nursing all night long, not sleeping well, just getting over being sick, was teething last 5 weeks. Lets see what else...she is in to everything that is not a toy because toys are boring, tantrums when doesn't get what she wants are thrown left and right and family memebers are calling her spoiled and naughty.
There...that feels a little better. I know shes trying to figure things out and shes learning so much right now but I just can't take it some days. It doesn't help that my hubby works long days and 7 days a week right now because he sells christmas trees. It gives me a little taste of what being a single mom is like. Although Peter does come home he only spends a short amount of time with her and then its bed time and only I can put her to bed. I have practically no time to myself.
These are the moments I start to second guess myself and feel like I am doing everything wrong. Like its my fualt shes such a wild thing and I have created this mamas-milk addict and I don't know what to do about it. Im feeling very helpless right now. I know I have done the right thing in choosing to attachment parent but at this stage Im feeling very frazzled. And stuck.
Big HUGE gigantic sigh!
Hugs Mama!!!! These stages are sooo hard. This was THE most draining age for Roo, and I don't think it was just because I was preggo. The whining, the grunting the constant neediness and whining, and whining and tantrumsm and tantrums. I'm right there with you. It's just part of being 1, you're not doing anything wrong! Have you read "Your One Year Old- Fussy and Fun Loving" (Ames and Illg)? I might have mentioned it to you before but that book brought me sooooo much comfort. Every thing it talked about was true for both my kids so far. It was incredibly and comforting to know that the crankiness and frustration is because of some really amazing brain development. It's not because she's spoiled, she's being allowed to be a one- year old, and some times that's not pretty behavior-wise but it's really a beautifil gift you're giving her! I know you know that, but i understand your frustration!
ReplyDeleteHere is the link to the book...you might find the reviews comforting (lots of other Mom's of one year olds!
http://www.amazon.com/Your-One-Year-Old-Fun-Loving-12--24-Month-Old/dp/0440506727/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1291323058&sr=8-1