Some "Things"

This isn't a pitty party I promise. We all have our struggles and "things" we deal with on a daily basis and this is just a few of mine. It's healing for me to talk about it and write about it here. Away of processing and dealing and healing.

Communication
It works wonders. It truly truly does. My heart has been heavy for a few days in a row and I just couldn’t kick it. I was praying and praying and trying to forgive and forget. There was an incident that happened and sort of set me off and made me mad and I just held on to it and kept thinking about it.

All I had to do was talk about it. In a marriage or any relationship communication is so so important. I used to hear that all the time when I first got married. I agreed with them but didn’t really know what they meant. Now 5 years in I totally know what they mean. It can take me some time to get around to talking about it but once I do its like a huge weight lifted. Sigh. All better. Its not like the problem or situation is solved or fixed or taken away it just is okay. It becomes bearable. I wish I would learn to just talk about it immediately and not have to deal with the weight of it and how it makes me think evil things and just loose sight of what is really important and that is letting it go. Just let it go!!

Peter and I hardly ever fight. We have disagreements but not fights. Here of late though we have been struggling to communicate. Its like we can’t truly talk and connect when are Noni girl is awake because shes so distracting and we are so involved with her. We can’t just tune her out and not pay attention to her so we can have an normal adult conversation. We just can’t do that. So we are trying to find ways to connect not just when she is sleeping but when she is awake as well. I’ll take any suggestions you have mamas. How to stay connected.

How I feel

I have been feeling so frustrated these days with family. We (me and Peter) are so different from most of our family and don’t feel truly close to any of them. I don’t feel like I can truly be myself around them and therefore they don’t really know the real me. I am a sensitive person and take things personally. I am a people pleaser and I don’t like conflict at all. When I’m understood I feel loved. So when I know there is differences between me and someone else I feel unsettled and unloved. I eventually get over it I guess but in the moment it really effects me. I want to be able to look past the “issues” right away and just love. I want to love others the way I want to be loved. But no one loves me the way I want to be loved.
When I think about my family my heart just aches. I’m jealous of families who seem to get along really great, and love and accepts their differences, and have so much fun together.

Oh yea and cabin fever. I am sooo looking forward to this spring and summer. But also trying to be creative with my time this winter.