I want a baby. I do. Just to catch you up I am a mama of one baby girl who is 17 months old and is my world right now. But I want a baby. I have felt “ready” for another baby since Nonah was 5 months old. Yes 5 months. Call me crazy but my husband was ready too. We wanted our kids to be close together in age and in a sense we thought why not just get it done with. If you have one in diapers whats one more. So we have been so-called trying for a year now. Exactly a year and no baby. I assume it is because I am still nursing my girl and my hormones are still messed up. I guess that’s what it is so until Im done nursing Im trying not to worry about it.
Funny thing is. Just last week I met 2 mamas of little girls in the same week who have decided to not have any more kids. They only want one. They like their rhythm and life as it is. One baby a mom and a dad. I was a little shocked at first at the thought of that but have got to thinking… My number has definitely dropped from 4 or 5 kids to 2 or 3 kids. I am scared at times of the thought of another and how it would change our whole dynamic and totally rock Nonahs world. I would love for Nonah to be my number one forever but if I have other kids she would have to share that. Then I feel like I heard God speaking to me about our future and reminding me of a prophetic word we have over us.
“I see young people around you, lots of young people surrounding you. There are many sons and daughters He is going to bring your way. Many, many that you will raise, that you will build, that you will heal.”
The thought came to me that maybe we won’t have many of our own kids because we will have many other kids either through a ministry of our own or someone elses. Who knows.
I am not saying we are not having more kids, I still want a baby but God has been speaking to me recently and giving me peace about this. I have been realizing I need to just live in the present, enjoy my time with my girl and leave the rest up to Him. It will happen if its supposed to. I truly believe that. So will we have 1? 5? Or 25? babies? Only HE knows!!
Since I haven't seen you in a few weeks you better believe I opened this one super quick! Baby!?!??! Baby!? <3
ReplyDeleteI've been wanting another one lately too. Every month (or in my case every 2 to 3 months) I feel a little sad. I know it's not the right time, and we really AREN'T trying. But I still feel a little sad. But A is still so little, and so is Nonah. I feel really sad for Riley, she didn't get the long babyhood I feel like she deserved. It was as it was supposed to be. And God has met her where she's at. There is always grace for a new baby, always. It does change every thing when you have a new member in your family, every one changes...That's not always a bad thing, and you'll wonder at a time (like you do with Nonah) that they were ever not THERE. Praying for wisdom and grace as you wait for God to add to your family: however that looks! And that word is so exciting!!