Today is new years eve. We dont have many or any traditions for this time of year but I do like watching the ball drop. Im up til 11 or 11:30 these days so its not going to be hard for me to stay up but Peter thinks its such a dumb tradition to kiss at midnight. So Ill just kiss Nonah, if shes up.
I never really took the time to look back over the past year before but now that Im a mama I guess I have become more sentimental. We have been so stretched this past year. As you mamas know the beautifully challenging task of parenthood will do that to you. There has been other things that have caused us to grow. We have had a few family struggles, my brother is an alcoholic and has had two DUIs in one year. Things have happened to make me look back at my childhood and question how I am going to parent and whats important to me. Grandparents health is deteriorating, new babies, a wedding, and two engagements. My in-laws are moving to another state, 11 hours away which is exciting and sad all at the same time. Me and Noni went to the beach 4 times this summer, made quite a few mama and babe friends, I have a great community of like minded mamas that support me whenever needed. Overall its been a lovely year filled with lots of blessings. No big tragedies or anything.
BUT we have become unsettled. We have had contentment at times but long for more in life. We are learning so much about ourselves and what makes us tick and what we desire in life. Its cool how becoming a parent has changed us so much as individuals. Me especially, I have gained so much confidence in myself from becoming a mom. We have lots of hopes and dreams for the year ahead.
I have a few resolutions I want to share with you!
* exercise more- cheesy I know but for real I want and need to-I don’t consider it a necessity like I should.
* I want to actually sit and watch movies instead of always doing something while they are on. - I need to take that time to relax and rejuvenate.
* I want to take more time to actually play with Nonah.-My imagination is practically non-existent so I am working on it.
* To stand up for myself more. In all situations.- Im a people pleaser so I can be pretty wishy-washy and I dont like that.
* To stay in touch with my creative side.
* To just let it go.
* Pray with Peter regularly.
* Smile more!
* Love, Love, love!!!
Im praying for more grace, patience, peace, wisdom, and direction in all the parenting decisions that need to be made in the year ahead.
Blessings to all of you lovely readers in the year ahead!! Hey drop me a line Id love to hear some of your resolutions!! Peace!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
What we believe~
Christmas is such a beautiful time of year. I don’t like the cold but I love the idea of curling up in front of a fire with a hot cup of java and enjoying the ambient of a lit Christmas tree and candles and hanging out with family. There is nothing like it.
Within this past year Peter and I have been evolving and changing into simpler people. Simpler than we were. We just don’t care about the same things as a lot of our society does. Material things are meaningless to us. Yes we each have our wish list of some things that would be nice to have but there is not much that we really need and we are ok without it. We want to live even simpler than we are.
I do love shopping for loved ones and finding the perfect gift but I’m realizing a lot of times I would just buy something in order to have a present for someone even if its not something I’m sure they would like. What a waste of money that is. I am trying to be purposeful this year. I love the idea of making things for people and I already have some ideas for next Christmas. I do enjoy getting presents too that’s for sure but who doesn’t and if you say you don’t I just can’t believe you.
That was a little bunny trail because that was not at all what I was going to write about. Anyway. Christmas. I wanted to share what we believe about Christmas and what we plan to teach our children. Christmas is supposed to be a celebration of Jesus birth and how he came to this earth to save us all right? That’s a good thing to celebrate and for those that do so as unto the Lord that’s great. But we believe as Christians we are supposed to celebrate Jesus’ birth every single day of our lives. To acknowledge who He is and what He did for us and in our words and actions show praise and thankfulness to Him every day. Not just once a year. I have also heard that Jesus wasn’t even born in December and that the story of the three wisemen is only half true because they came a long time after he was born. The history is all mixed up and I don’t even really care about little details like that but why should I tell that story to my kids when I know its not correct? I will simply go right to the bible. Christmas isn’t mentioned in the bible. It’s a man-made holiday probably with good intentions but has since gotten out of hand.
I want to look up more info on the history of Christmas and how the Christmas tree was started and candy canes and all that stuff. That kind of stuff has nothing to do with Jesus and he couldn’t care less about stuff like that. There is nothing wrong with them don’t get me wrong but I just wonder why we all do what we do? So many of us just do things because our parents did it or its what everyone else did. Well I want to know why and have an answer for my kids when they ask why we do what we do.
As for Santa, we are not telling our kids about the north pole, the naughty/nice list, or coming down the chimney and making them believe in something only to find out its not real. A friend made a good point and said she told her kids about St. Nick and how he’s a nice old man who helped children who didn’t have much. I like that. In the future if my kids want to sit on his lap at the mall that’s fine but we’re not promoting it.
So as my husband says “Christmas is all about the presents”. That’s why we as 25 and 27 year olds are still excited about Christmas Day. The food and family and festive traditions are fun too! You may think that is a selfish perspective but think about it. Why do you do what you do? What makes what we do on Christmas a celebration of Jesus birth? Hmmm????
To sum it up, we love Jesus and are so thankful for His birth, resurrection, and salvation and we praise Him for that every day!! We do not believe Santa Clause to be an important or worth while thing to share with our children but will probably tell them the story of St. Nick. We do not celebrate Christmas as a Christian holiday but as a fun and beautiful time of year with silly but harmless traditions just like other holidays!!
Within this past year Peter and I have been evolving and changing into simpler people. Simpler than we were. We just don’t care about the same things as a lot of our society does. Material things are meaningless to us. Yes we each have our wish list of some things that would be nice to have but there is not much that we really need and we are ok without it. We want to live even simpler than we are.
I do love shopping for loved ones and finding the perfect gift but I’m realizing a lot of times I would just buy something in order to have a present for someone even if its not something I’m sure they would like. What a waste of money that is. I am trying to be purposeful this year. I love the idea of making things for people and I already have some ideas for next Christmas. I do enjoy getting presents too that’s for sure but who doesn’t and if you say you don’t I just can’t believe you.
That was a little bunny trail because that was not at all what I was going to write about. Anyway. Christmas. I wanted to share what we believe about Christmas and what we plan to teach our children. Christmas is supposed to be a celebration of Jesus birth and how he came to this earth to save us all right? That’s a good thing to celebrate and for those that do so as unto the Lord that’s great. But we believe as Christians we are supposed to celebrate Jesus’ birth every single day of our lives. To acknowledge who He is and what He did for us and in our words and actions show praise and thankfulness to Him every day. Not just once a year. I have also heard that Jesus wasn’t even born in December and that the story of the three wisemen is only half true because they came a long time after he was born. The history is all mixed up and I don’t even really care about little details like that but why should I tell that story to my kids when I know its not correct? I will simply go right to the bible. Christmas isn’t mentioned in the bible. It’s a man-made holiday probably with good intentions but has since gotten out of hand.
I want to look up more info on the history of Christmas and how the Christmas tree was started and candy canes and all that stuff. That kind of stuff has nothing to do with Jesus and he couldn’t care less about stuff like that. There is nothing wrong with them don’t get me wrong but I just wonder why we all do what we do? So many of us just do things because our parents did it or its what everyone else did. Well I want to know why and have an answer for my kids when they ask why we do what we do.
As for Santa, we are not telling our kids about the north pole, the naughty/nice list, or coming down the chimney and making them believe in something only to find out its not real. A friend made a good point and said she told her kids about St. Nick and how he’s a nice old man who helped children who didn’t have much. I like that. In the future if my kids want to sit on his lap at the mall that’s fine but we’re not promoting it.
So as my husband says “Christmas is all about the presents”. That’s why we as 25 and 27 year olds are still excited about Christmas Day. The food and family and festive traditions are fun too! You may think that is a selfish perspective but think about it. Why do you do what you do? What makes what we do on Christmas a celebration of Jesus birth? Hmmm????
To sum it up, we love Jesus and are so thankful for His birth, resurrection, and salvation and we praise Him for that every day!! We do not believe Santa Clause to be an important or worth while thing to share with our children but will probably tell them the story of St. Nick. We do not celebrate Christmas as a Christian holiday but as a fun and beautiful time of year with silly but harmless traditions just like other holidays!!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Venting...
to some understanding mamas! I wrote at a few different times and kept deleting and loosing my train of thought and purpose of the post so I decided to post it anyway. If it doesn't make sense, sorry. I feel better at night if I complain/vent about the day even if its to no one. But venting to mamas who understand is the best!!
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Noni is teething, teething teething. I guess that’s what it is anyway. For the past two weeks or more she has been sleeping horribly. Waking up a lot, crying when she wakes, kicking her arms and legs. And nursing more than 20 times a day. She usually can go a while without nursing especially when we are out in public. Now I’m surprised when we make it 2 hours. Then she can’t just nurse calmly and gently she has to play and switch sides and put her foot in my face, etc.
BUT I am dealing. She is going through a lot right now and she will be through it eventually. Just when you have somewhat of a routine it gets all mixed up.
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Parenting is so hard. It totally rocks your world. You have to give all of yourself and then some. Taking care of a little one who relies on you for everything is so challenging and exhausting. I just want some peace and quiet, a couple hours of “ME” time. There is a long list of things that I am sick of about parenting and that frustrates me, but there is so much more that I love about it.
Nonah is an amazing little girl. She has taught me so much. I love being her mom. When I am away from her I miss her so much.
Reading things like this is what gets me through!!Remembering how important my job is right now. I love it!!
So peace to you mamas!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Noni is teething, teething teething. I guess that’s what it is anyway. For the past two weeks or more she has been sleeping horribly. Waking up a lot, crying when she wakes, kicking her arms and legs. And nursing more than 20 times a day. She usually can go a while without nursing especially when we are out in public. Now I’m surprised when we make it 2 hours. Then she can’t just nurse calmly and gently she has to play and switch sides and put her foot in my face, etc.
BUT I am dealing. She is going through a lot right now and she will be through it eventually. Just when you have somewhat of a routine it gets all mixed up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parenting is so hard. It totally rocks your world. You have to give all of yourself and then some. Taking care of a little one who relies on you for everything is so challenging and exhausting. I just want some peace and quiet, a couple hours of “ME” time. There is a long list of things that I am sick of about parenting and that frustrates me, but there is so much more that I love about it.
Nonah is an amazing little girl. She has taught me so much. I love being her mom. When I am away from her I miss her so much.
Reading things like this is what gets me through!!Remembering how important my job is right now. I love it!!
So peace to you mamas!!!
Saturday, December 18, 2010
A day in the life of...
NONAH MAE !!!
*She loves mittens but only inside*
*She helps me unload the dishwasher*
*She always sits on the counter and watches me cook*
*Her new fav is coloring*Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Super Nanny
So I am trying to process what I just saw on Super Nanny. I don’t usually watch it but was flipping through and heard her say how the boy needs to get out of his parents bed, intrigued I stayed and watched for a while. She had them do a sleep training session with him. They played in his room with some of his favorite toys for him to get used to the room and then that night they put him in his crib and they were supposed to actively ignore him. The mom sat in his room on the floor like 3 feet away from his crib facing away from him and was supposed to sit there and ignore him until he went to sleep. The mom sat there crying herself and the little boy started yelling he was dying. It took 33 minutes til he laid down and went to sleep. But then every time he woke up in the night she was supposed to go in and sit down and ignore him.
Super Nanny referred to it as a bad habit and a cycle that needs to be broken. Its so rude for us adults to think of it this way. Kids are expected to be in their own room and sleeping through the night before they are even a year old these days and why? So mom and dad get a good night sleep. So we should do whatever it takes to get that. I understand sleep is important and needed but so is your child. Important. And needed. He has wants, needs, feelings, fears, etc, etc, and they don’t just stop at night. Well what about the child?
While watching I got mad. And sad. But then I was thinking about it and I’m not sure what age he was but he was talking so he was at least two and by that point I would want to at least be close to her getting out of our bed. (I think) But I want to do that in a way that is smooth and gentle. So sleep is a soothing, comforting thing for her. I try and look at all situations from her perspective and how she feels and then go from there.
In processing all of this sleep stuff it makes me think about my sleep history. I remember being scared a lot of the time when I went to bed. I couldn’t sleep with my door shut because it was too scarey, I had to be under the covers even if I was hot because otherwise someone could get me, I feared getting out of bed that someone was there to get me. All kinds of silly fears like that. In 7th grade I went through a long streak of not being able to sleep and felt ashamed to tell anyone. I was too scared to sleep. I would go into my brothers room so I wasn’t alone or just lay awake, sweating, praying, scared until I fell asleep. I don’t know why I had all these fears. I watched too much junk on TV maybe? Or I wasn’t taught that sleep was a safe and good thing. I dont know why and will never know. But I do know I want sleep to be a good and easy thing for my girl now and later on in life.
Super Nanny referred to it as a bad habit and a cycle that needs to be broken. Its so rude for us adults to think of it this way. Kids are expected to be in their own room and sleeping through the night before they are even a year old these days and why? So mom and dad get a good night sleep. So we should do whatever it takes to get that. I understand sleep is important and needed but so is your child. Important. And needed. He has wants, needs, feelings, fears, etc, etc, and they don’t just stop at night. Well what about the child?
While watching I got mad. And sad. But then I was thinking about it and I’m not sure what age he was but he was talking so he was at least two and by that point I would want to at least be close to her getting out of our bed. (I think) But I want to do that in a way that is smooth and gentle. So sleep is a soothing, comforting thing for her. I try and look at all situations from her perspective and how she feels and then go from there.
In processing all of this sleep stuff it makes me think about my sleep history. I remember being scared a lot of the time when I went to bed. I couldn’t sleep with my door shut because it was too scarey, I had to be under the covers even if I was hot because otherwise someone could get me, I feared getting out of bed that someone was there to get me. All kinds of silly fears like that. In 7th grade I went through a long streak of not being able to sleep and felt ashamed to tell anyone. I was too scared to sleep. I would go into my brothers room so I wasn’t alone or just lay awake, sweating, praying, scared until I fell asleep. I don’t know why I had all these fears. I watched too much junk on TV maybe? Or I wasn’t taught that sleep was a safe and good thing. I dont know why and will never know. But I do know I want sleep to be a good and easy thing for my girl now and later on in life.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Some thoughts
Just a little update before you read this post. I dont remember if I shared about our present situation. We are trying to sell our house inorder to move into an apartment (not have a mortgage), save as much money as possible, and then move out west. (Like MT or OR) The house has been on the market since September.
Okay read on!!
I feel like I am seeing some of Gods reasoning for preventing our house from selling. There are a lot of reasons we wanted to move out of state. Some of them simply because of our deep desire to travel and see-the-world and because its beautiful out there, but also because we want space from family, we want to not be in such a financial struggle and we want to find new opportunities. All valid reasons right. But if I step back and think about it all these reasons could be looked at as running away instead of dealing with it. As I have learned in the past life lessons are not always fun and comfortable and easy. God is teaching us in this time of waiting.
The family thing. We are very close with both sides of our family and that is a good thing but sometimes it seems like there is this unsaid pressure to be a certain way or do certain things and if we don’t do them then we are the weirdos of the family. And although I love being different I also would like to be understood and accepted just the way I am. To have like minded friends and people to encourage me instead of pick on me. I also feel like it would just be so much easier to not have to answer to anyone, family is always in each others business. But being accountable to someone makes us stronger and keeps us in check. So by not running away from that pressure I feel will only make me stronger. Make me stand firm in my beliefs and how we want to live our lives no matter who approves or doesn’t approve.
The financial thing. A mortgage, bills, necessities, and the random things that pop up every month all on one income is harder than we thought. Im going to be honest, it sucks!! But God always provides! We have had to humble ourselves and ask for help at times but we always seem to have enough. Its pretty amazing to see how much we spend and how much comes in, its always enough. But we don’t buy any extras, we don’t go out to eat, no dates, no fun. We just don’t want to live like this forever and don’t see how we could get out of it with out moving.
The new opportunities thing. I have so many ideas of things I want to do, be a part of and I feel like its impossible to do here. Partly because this is where I grew up and I feel like there is no options around here. Also I feel like family members would judge me. I have always struggled with worrying about what other people might think and Im working on overcoming that. I have to go out and find opportunities and I shouldn’t let anyone stop me no matter what.
By going through this time of waiting and trusting Gods perfect timing it has really made me rely on Him in ways I have never had to do before. I feel like I am learning so much about myself and how to stay true to who God made me to be. How to rely on Him not only for my spiritual needs but my physical needs as well.
I'm not saying I don't want to go, I would be ready tomorrow, but I am waiting patiently. Im growing, soaking, and learning so much and ultimatly I'm waiting for God's que to tell me my next step in life!
Okay read on!!
I feel like I am seeing some of Gods reasoning for preventing our house from selling. There are a lot of reasons we wanted to move out of state. Some of them simply because of our deep desire to travel and see-the-world and because its beautiful out there, but also because we want space from family, we want to not be in such a financial struggle and we want to find new opportunities. All valid reasons right. But if I step back and think about it all these reasons could be looked at as running away instead of dealing with it. As I have learned in the past life lessons are not always fun and comfortable and easy. God is teaching us in this time of waiting.
The family thing. We are very close with both sides of our family and that is a good thing but sometimes it seems like there is this unsaid pressure to be a certain way or do certain things and if we don’t do them then we are the weirdos of the family. And although I love being different I also would like to be understood and accepted just the way I am. To have like minded friends and people to encourage me instead of pick on me. I also feel like it would just be so much easier to not have to answer to anyone, family is always in each others business. But being accountable to someone makes us stronger and keeps us in check. So by not running away from that pressure I feel will only make me stronger. Make me stand firm in my beliefs and how we want to live our lives no matter who approves or doesn’t approve.
The financial thing. A mortgage, bills, necessities, and the random things that pop up every month all on one income is harder than we thought. Im going to be honest, it sucks!! But God always provides! We have had to humble ourselves and ask for help at times but we always seem to have enough. Its pretty amazing to see how much we spend and how much comes in, its always enough. But we don’t buy any extras, we don’t go out to eat, no dates, no fun. We just don’t want to live like this forever and don’t see how we could get out of it with out moving.
The new opportunities thing. I have so many ideas of things I want to do, be a part of and I feel like its impossible to do here. Partly because this is where I grew up and I feel like there is no options around here. Also I feel like family members would judge me. I have always struggled with worrying about what other people might think and Im working on overcoming that. I have to go out and find opportunities and I shouldn’t let anyone stop me no matter what.
By going through this time of waiting and trusting Gods perfect timing it has really made me rely on Him in ways I have never had to do before. I feel like I am learning so much about myself and how to stay true to who God made me to be. How to rely on Him not only for my spiritual needs but my physical needs as well.
I'm not saying I don't want to go, I would be ready tomorrow, but I am waiting patiently. Im growing, soaking, and learning so much and ultimatly I'm waiting for God's que to tell me my next step in life!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Mommyhood
Big HUGE gigantic sigh!......I am bummed. I created this blog inorder to feel free to blog about all my trials and tribulations, ups and downs, and questions and concerns of motherhood and I just don't write. I don't have the time or once I do have time I am too tired to write. Most of the things I want to write about I feel are so silly and I think who would want to read about that. I am not a whiner but I feel like thats all I do on my blog is whine or complain about something. I feel like many bloggers are so positive and happy all the time and can find joy in anything. That is something I am working on but its not my reality. I am up and down and struggle to stay at a steady level emotionally and spiritually. All that being said. I do like having this space to just share my thoughts and get them out there. I have no idea how many people read this blog but it doesn't matter.
So. My state right now is...all over the place. I am loving the holidays and all that it intails, I am enjoying staying home and finding creative projects to do to keep me busy. We have cable now and I am enjoying being able to watch TV for pretty much the first time in my life. (growing up we had 3, 6 and 10 and thats it because we lived in the boonies) I am so in love with my Noni girl it hurts. BUT at the same time she is driving me CRAZY. Uhg...shes so clingy, nursing all the time, not eating anything good for her, increasing her whining inorder to tell me what she wants because its all she knows and she knows it works, nursing all night long, not sleeping well, just getting over being sick, was teething last 5 weeks. Lets see what else...she is in to everything that is not a toy because toys are boring, tantrums when doesn't get what she wants are thrown left and right and family memebers are calling her spoiled and naughty.
There...that feels a little better. I know shes trying to figure things out and shes learning so much right now but I just can't take it some days. It doesn't help that my hubby works long days and 7 days a week right now because he sells christmas trees. It gives me a little taste of what being a single mom is like. Although Peter does come home he only spends a short amount of time with her and then its bed time and only I can put her to bed. I have practically no time to myself.
These are the moments I start to second guess myself and feel like I am doing everything wrong. Like its my fualt shes such a wild thing and I have created this mamas-milk addict and I don't know what to do about it. Im feeling very helpless right now. I know I have done the right thing in choosing to attachment parent but at this stage Im feeling very frazzled. And stuck.
Big HUGE gigantic sigh!
So. My state right now is...all over the place. I am loving the holidays and all that it intails, I am enjoying staying home and finding creative projects to do to keep me busy. We have cable now and I am enjoying being able to watch TV for pretty much the first time in my life. (growing up we had 3, 6 and 10 and thats it because we lived in the boonies) I am so in love with my Noni girl it hurts. BUT at the same time she is driving me CRAZY. Uhg...shes so clingy, nursing all the time, not eating anything good for her, increasing her whining inorder to tell me what she wants because its all she knows and she knows it works, nursing all night long, not sleeping well, just getting over being sick, was teething last 5 weeks. Lets see what else...she is in to everything that is not a toy because toys are boring, tantrums when doesn't get what she wants are thrown left and right and family memebers are calling her spoiled and naughty.
There...that feels a little better. I know shes trying to figure things out and shes learning so much right now but I just can't take it some days. It doesn't help that my hubby works long days and 7 days a week right now because he sells christmas trees. It gives me a little taste of what being a single mom is like. Although Peter does come home he only spends a short amount of time with her and then its bed time and only I can put her to bed. I have practically no time to myself.
These are the moments I start to second guess myself and feel like I am doing everything wrong. Like its my fualt shes such a wild thing and I have created this mamas-milk addict and I don't know what to do about it. Im feeling very helpless right now. I know I have done the right thing in choosing to attachment parent but at this stage Im feeling very frazzled. And stuck.
Big HUGE gigantic sigh!
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