The Second time around~

Busy busy busy. Life with two kids is busy. And a little cRaZy. With my second babe I am much more relaxed about things which I have heard many people say happens. The more kids you have the easier it gets. I do not have the same worries and concerns the second time around as I did the first time. Nursing is a piece of cake, we already know we aren’t doing vaccines, well meaning family and friends comments don’t get to me any more. For some reason people don’t ask as many questions the second time around. And no the baby will not be in our bed til shes 10 years old. This time around I have different worries and concerns. I wouldn’t call my self a worrier where things are always on my mind and I can’t stop thinking about it but my heart gets heavy. I like to have things figured out and to be sure of things. To be sure of my decisions. But there are some things that are not that clear.

This time around I wonder if I am doing enough for my girls. Giving them enough. Enough love, attention, encouragement, time? Am I teaching them enough about what this thing called LIFE is all about. Am I too short and impatient. Am I am I am I???? If two is this hard how could I possibly handle any more kids. The list is endless. The doubts and concerns are endless. In order to ease my concerns I turn to God, to books, to friends and family who understand or have experienced the same things. Praying, talking and reading are what get me through.

Right now I am reading the book “The Mission of Motherhood” by Sally Clarkson. (I will be reading and discussing with 2 of my friends, cant wait) So far it is really good. A christian mama who has raised I think 3 kids and is giving some advice, encouragement, and support while sharing her story. What a perfect book for this season of my life.
Here is a little bit from the book that spoke to me.

“Chronic exhaustion, a house that seemed perpetually messy, the inevitable stress, and days of “quality time” with little ones who were fussy and demanding caused me to doubt my sanity. I began to realize that my mothering honeymoon was over and my confusion was back.”
I love that, my mothering honeymoon was over. Exactly. When I was pregnant with my first it was all wonderful blissed out expectations of what was to come. But life with a 2 and a ½ year old and a babe the reality of what mothering is a little less bliss and a little more crazy. No more honeymoon.

“What had I gotten myself into? A challenging career suddenly seemed more productive to me because I could measure the results of my work. These precious little one had endless needs. They were busy little sinful creatures who demanded all of my body, time, life, emotions, and attention. As much as I loved my children, I often felt like a failure. Surely someone else could do a better job with these precious ones than I. And what exactly was I supposed to be accomplishing anyway? Was I wasting my time? What had this husband who professed to love me, done to me?”
I have felt/thought these exact things at times. I feel so defeated sometimes.

“How thankful I am that God showed me his path so that I can relax in each stage of childhood and find joy in my moments with my sweet ones, knowing that in my acceptance of his call, my children can rest in the peace and security of my commitment to them.”
This is a challenge for me. To find joy in every moment with my girls. I pray for joy regularly. And for God to show me my purpose.

Looking forward to the rest of this book and to all that motherhood entails. I both hate and love the challenges of motherhood. It is all part of the process. The struggles are what are helping me to become a better me. I honestly wouldn’t want to be doing anything else right now then being a MOTHER!