Mama's Issues

I can't even believe I am pregnant with my 3rd baby. I remember when I found out I was pregnant with my first like it was yesterday. The excitement and nervousness of all the unknown of what was to come. It was such a fun time of anticipation. We knew our world was about to be rocked but we did not know how much.

The second time was exciting too but different. I was worried about Noni and how she would handle it. I felt guilty that she wasn't going to be our #1 anymore and that she would have to share mommy and daddy. But she was such a trooper and has done an amazing job adjusting. She loves her sister so much and tells her that all the time. Its so sweet to see them together. I was also guilty for baby #2 and that she wasn't going to get the same one on one attention as Nonah got because of having two babies to take care of. I soon accepted the fact that each baby has their own story and experiences and that it is ok. That they will be glad to have each other some day no matter how hard the adjustment is.

THIS time around I'm not worried about much when it comes to the pregnancy and birth I just want to savor every single moment and not rush it. I have a tendancy to do that. I am always looking forward to the next big thing. The next event and I want to slow down and just enjoy everything. Even the slow boring days of being at home and doing nothing but entertaining my girls. I struggle with being at home, I like to go out and see people and do things. I feel lazy and unpurposeful when I stay home all day.

I always end up comparing myself to other mamas who do stay home almost every day and I envy that contentment that they have. It seems like all they need is to be a mama and they are completely happy. I know every mama has their "issues" but some seem to really have it all together.

There's always something to worry about when it comes to kids whether its the question of are we eating healthy, do I let her watch too much TV, am I spending enough time with each of them, do I provide enough enriching experiences, am I setting a good enough example, am I teaching them enough about God and His love? Then there's the whole vaccine debate which I could wonder about forever and homeschooling don't even get me started on that. Its still a few years away and I am already doubting myself. The truth is there is always something to worry about. Something to wonder about and wish you could do better.

I guess I'm still working on adjusting to being a mama. Will I ever be fully adjusted to it? Maybe. Will I ever be completely confident in who I am as a mama and what my purpose is? Probably not because I'm human but I do pray for it daily. The confidence, the wisdom, and the contentment to fulfill my God given purpose of mama to two almost three kiddies. Just stopping and thinking about it overwhelms me sometimes. Its so indescribable the joy that it brings and the challenge that it is.