So frustrated.

This has been a hard week. I am learning so much about myself. Not good stuff but yucky stuff. My hubby was off all week this week and I found myself just wanting him to go back to work. I know Im horrible. I love him so much and he is kind of almost a perfect husband. (almost) He helped me get the girls dressed in the morning, fed Noni breakfast, put Noni down for nap every day and bed. He made breakfast two mornings and even vacumed the entire house. How could I not be glad to have him around right?

I did but I didn't. He messed up my routine. I like mine and the girls routine during the week. We go out in the morning and home for naps, I get to chill and refuel for the evening then when Noni gets up Im ready to play for a little then its time to make dinner. It works. I need MY time. I dont know if other mamas are the same way but to keep my cool, to be a good mama, a gentle mama, a patient and understanding mama (which is what I want to be) I need some down time every single day. Even if it is just a half hour in the morning or afternoon to do whatever I want to do. Sometimes its read the bible, or a book, or journal, or sew, or watch TV and sometimes it is sit here and I write a post. (its seriously theraputic for me) I just need it. I feel selfish asking my hubby for it but I need it.

I didn't realize why moms always said they could never get anything done once they had kids. It is a 24/7 emotionally and physically draining job and unless you completely neglect them it is impossible to get anything done. So I am making it my goal to get me time. I am setting the alarm for 6:30 every morning. And I am going to force myself to get up. Even if Noni wakes up a few minutes later it is still nice to wake up on my own instead of her waking me up.

Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me. Why can't I just enjoy my kids all day every day and be happy taking care of them. I think about moms who have 6 or more kids and wonder how the heck they do it. I could never do it that, I would never ever get any alone time. I always thought I wanted lots of kids and now that I have them I dont know if I could handle it. But God has a plan for me!

So hubby is back to work today. Girls are still sleeping. oops maybe not. And the weekend is almost here. I am still adjusting to mommying and trying to figure this thing out. Its hard but I would NOT change it for anything.

I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out. plans to take care of you, not abondon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. Jer. 29;11-13 the message