Simplify~

sim·pli·fy-make something easier: to make something less complicated or easier to understand.

Yes yes yes. I need easy, less complicated and understandable. I don't know if it is the "pregnancy brain" thing making me all emotional and stressed and on edge or what but uh life is hard right now.

What I really want to do is be by MYSELF for like 24 hours or more. I want to be able to focus on my own thoughts, feelings, emotions, and process everything that's going on in me right now. I want to be able do things alone like shower, eat, shop, write, read and whatever else I want to do...ALL BY MYSELF!! I want to soak up this pregnancy and connect with this little being inside of me and really be able to think about my birth and whats to come. I want to curl up in my husbands arms and stay there for a really long time without being interrupted. I want to feel connected to my husband like I felt when pregnant with Nonah. I also want to feel peace. Peace that lasts and is stagnant. Oh how I want to be secure in myself as a woman and as a mama. (really deep breath) I want...I want...I want...

Woo it feels good to admit all that. I have a lot of wants. And although some of them will never be fulfilled, some will. I am working on simplifying. Not running around as much, not expecting myself to get as much done in a day, and really trying to enjoy the moment. Like instead of sweeping the dirty house, Noni and I went out and laid in the shade looking at the clouds and waiting for daddy to come. It was simple and relaxing and made Noni and daddy happy. I am trying to listen to my heart and while Noni is napping instead of doing meaningless surfing on the Internet, I will read or spend time with the Lord, or just rest. (which I need alot of these days) I am trying to allow myself time to just be and not have to do anything. (I am such a doer)

Anyway. I feel like I am babbling but I just needed to process this here. Only other mamas will understand what I am going through. My heart is heavy, my body is tired and my mind is a blur. I try to find joy in everyday but that is a challenge sometimes.